How old are you?

   A good friend of mine recently had a birthday. I asked her, “So Sandra, are you still, after all
these years, keeping your age a big secret?”
“Oh, I no longer think about age,” she told me. “It’s how I feel that matters and I decided I feel
like I am thirty-five.”

I suspect she is double that age, although she will never tell. She asked me if I saw myself as
a much younger woman. I thought for a moment and answered, “No, I don’t feel as young as
thirty-five, nor do I want to. I don’t want to go back to that time in my life, with all the struggles,
the drama and the confusion. I see some of the positive changes, coming from being a
mature person, and I don’t want to discount these.”

Our conversation made me think about those important age numbers like the one listed on my
birth certificate. It suggests I am an older person who some consider “over the hill.” But, my
biological age does appear to be quite a bit younger probably brought about by always being
a physically active person, maintaining a vegetarian diet for the past forty years, and
recognizing when stress is present so I can deal with it I give credit to my yoga practice,
helping me stay in balance, strong and flexible and yes, younger
The good news is, as a yoga teacher I have seen it firsthand, it is never too late to start taking
good care of your self and reaping the benefits.

Beside our chronological and biological ages (which can be very different from each other),
we have to look at the emotional age (also called Emotional Intelligence or EQ) as we think
about maturity.

The ability to understand and manage emotions is one indicator of whether we live a fulfilled
and happy life. There are those whose growth has been stunted, never emotionally maturing
beyond their childish or adolescent selves. These folks tend to be difficult to deal with.

The following are characteristics of the emotionally mature person. You might ask yourself
how you measure up, rating yourself on a scale of 1-10, just to see how you fare.
* Being flexible, with the ability to see every situation and each individual
as unique, and then you may adapt accordingly.
* Demonstrating resiliency by adjusting and bouncing back from setbacks
and losses.
* Taking responsibility for your actions, rather than blaming others or being in denial that you
have a problem.
* Continuing, throughout life, to grow and develop; there is a desire to learn more, rather than
thinking you “know it all.”
* Appreciating others, those who are aligned with you and even those who contradict your
views.
* Being nonjudgmental and noncritical, while respecting differences without feeling
threatened.
* Having self-confidence by knowing who you are, liking who you are and,
if not, able to make appropriate changes. The approval of others is not
necessary for you to feel good about yourself.
* Remaining calm when challenged. Rather than immediately reacting in a
negative way, you are able to pause and then have an appropriate
response.
* Having relationships that are comfortable and agreeable. You communicate your thoughts
and feelings, and you are able to listen and hear what the other person is saying.
* Taking yourself lightly; you are able to laugh at your self.

This is a tall order, I know, and sometimes we fall short, dropping down emotionally, to a
childish or teen-age level. It is awareness, being the witness to our thoughts and feelings
(even the disagreeable ones) which is perhaps the most relevant indicator of whether we
have reached full emotional development and we are truly grown-ups.
There is one more age you might consider ,and that is the age of the soul. You may have
heard someone, even a child, being referred to as “an old soul”. They have an innate wisdom,
seemingly born with it. And then there are the very young souls, the ones who do not yet
“have a clue”.

When we put all these markers together, we can come up with our true age, beyond the date
indicated on our birth certificate. This can make turning 60, 70 or 80 a bit more attractive and
maybe, unlike my friend Sandra’s approach, something we might even brag about.