 I want to talk about is Death, so often considered a Taboo Topic. I have often heard these
comments... “Let’s not go there” or “I don’t want to think about it. It’s too depressing” or “If I ignore thinking about it, maybe I can avoid it.” or” It’s too painful a topic; I would rather think happy thoughts.” So... death is not much talked about. But It’s been on my mind since, in the last two months, five of the women in my circle have had to let go of their husbands or long-time partners who recently died. For some, it was sudden and so shocking. For others, they took care of him as he declined and finally passed over. Each of the women handles the grieving in different ways, and they each do the best they can, given a life-altering event such as their loved one dying. This blog is not about letting go or holding on to grieving when someone dies (that is another topic), but rather... how we come to terms with understanding and accepting that nothing, nothing, and no one is permanent; everything dies. We see and acknowledge that nobody gets out of here on earth without dying, and that death is but one more transition each of us makes. Most often, we don’t have “an end date”. It’s the great unknown and a fear of feeling l totally out of control as we let go of life...and die. This is the scary part. What is it like to be dead? Nobody knows. My teacher, Ram Dass said, “One of the best parts of aging is entering the ‘don’t know,’ learning to be someone who “can rest comfortably in uncertainty.” The hard part, for many of us in our elder years, is the idea of a terrible end, attached to machines, away from loved ones, and no longer having any quality of life. Suffering from this outcome is not a happy thought. But fortunately, we live in a time when there are ways to help us pass over in a more peaceful and accepting way. Organizations like Compassion and Choices and End of Life Dignity are some of the places to help steer us in the final chapter of our lives. We may not know ahead of time what it is like to die. but two ways I have been helped to understand is through my spiritual studies that teach me...we are not just this body, at death we shed our body, but we are not dead. We are a Soul that lives on. We have heard the stories from those with “near-death” experiences who have touched the “afterlife’, found it to be a wonderful place to temporarily visit, and then returned to their life to tell us of their experience and to reassure us that death is nothing to worry about. Dying can be a blessing, especially when leaving behind the body that has been sick and tired and is now ready to move on. Ram Dass described it “like taking off a right shoe.” Letting go of fear and loathing when thinking of death is a great release. May we embrace each day we are alive and give thanks for one more day on this earth. By being present in the moment, the moment of death is just one. More moments, in the flow of life. ************************** P.S I welcome your comments. If you send me your thoughts, I will include them in my next blog, while we keep this topic of death alive.
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 Finding the reasons why so many live with unhappiness and experience depression is
an easy task. We could make lists of what it is that causes us to complain and feel misery. But, instead, let’s shift into answering the question, “How can we regularly experience happiness, especially in the last chapter of our lives? These suggestions may resonate with you. Start by becoming aware of your thoughts about yourself and others. Do you find yourself being critical and judgmental, focusing on those things in yourself and others that are negative? If so, notice, and pivot away, turn it around, replacing those thoughts with kinder words. Create a mantra you say to yourself, over and over, until the hard thoughts dissipate. As an example, “I forgive them (or myself). “You did the best you could.” or “We are only human. No one is perfect, especially me.” To be happier, let go of what is no longer working for you. It could be a friendship, a job, a city, a lifestyle. What once brought a happy feeling perhaps is not currently the case, at this age. Learning how to release and let go is instrumental in having a more pleasing life. Simplify your surroundings and slim down your activities so you can relieve the stress of doing too much. Consider whether your home is still the right size for your current lifestyle. Might it be a good thing to get rid of many possessions, so you don’t need tp care for so many things in so many rooms. Go out into nature as much as possible. Even in weather that is very hot or cold, find the best time of day to get some fresh air, put on the right clothes and go for a walk. Be inspired by the natural beauty you see around you. Get out of the chair and move your body. A sedentary lifestyle harms both the body and the mind. Physical exercise can lift-up the spirit, especially when you find way to exercise that feel good to you. Indulge in some self-care, whatever that means for you. It helps to understand, ”If I don’t take good care of myself, who will?” Maybe taking care of yourself means you have a massage, or take a class to learn something new or go n a trip. Reach out, seeking friends who are (mostly) happy people. If you are always around those who are complaining and unpleasant, it affects your mood, Whenever possible put some distance between yourself and those who, when you are with them, your energy feels drained. Do what pleases you, not always what others want for you. Find out what things bring you pleasure, things that are good for you...like calling an old friend, going to a good movie, visiting the beach. Find some pleasure, even a litle bit, each day ...Find a way to contribute to your community, sometimes volunteering your skills and talents, believing you can impact the world around you, making it a better place. ...Reflect on your whole life, all your achievements, and your courage in getting through the hard parts, knowing that whatever life deals to you, you have always come through, mostly intact. Keep a journal to express how you are feeling...all the miracle and all the suffering. ...Work on being content with how it is.”It is what it is” is a worth while mantra to repeat and accept. ...Let go of the preconceived notion of aging as a period of decline, loss and irrelevance. Instead, view getting old as a period of potentially renewed engagement, energy and meaningful activity. Angelena Craig March 2025 |